a Love that humbles

Earlier I was thinking on love and the effect of its power. Now, I am not talking about the "happily-never-after" fairy-tale junk I used to fill my head and heart with as a little girl, but real, honest love; the kind of love that is written about in 1 Corinthians 13. This love is incredibly powerful.

Today, I was thinking about how a genuine love can be so humbling. When people are filled with a genuine love for other people, they are able to lower themselves. Until today, I believed that when you genuinely loved someone, it gave you the strength to humble yourself to that person. Today, I realized it doesn't give you the strength to do it, it takes away the option to not.

This Love of which I speak does not give strength, it takes away selfishness and pride. The further in Love one is, the more impossible it is to refuse humility. This is the Love that enables a mother to spend her days changing diapers and washing dishes with a song in her heart. This is the Love that enables a husband to see beauty in his wife when her hair has fallen out from chemo. This is the Love that enabled a God-man to crawl upon the cross and give His life for a diseased race of sinners, that we may know Him and His Love personally.

This is a Love that humbles.

For God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believe in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16

I sit here staring at a blank screen. Desiring to write something, but lacking the energy and creative thought process necessary to produce something from the many contemplations that have been swirling through my head this week. My son has been under the weather and our lives have been affected accordingly: tantrums, screwy sleep schedules, clingy toddler wiping tears and snot into my hair multiple times a day... It has been an tiring week and my mental capacity is shot.

Maybe tomorrow my brain will catch up.

a perfect view

I love watching the sun set. It is always so beautiful. Sometimes, it is a simple beauty with subtle purples and blues slowly fading into each other. Others, it is a dramatic beauty, with bold reds and pinks crashing off perfectly scattered clouds. It is never disappointing. I can remember many times throughout my life wishing I had somewhere to watch the sun set.

My home sits slightly elevated, on a small hill. My kitchen window looks directly upon the western horizon. Every evening, I have a perfect location to watch the sun set: standing before my kitchen sink. As I stand with scrub brush in hand, scouring away the evidence of our full bellies, I am able to look upon God's creative glory with awe.

My home is humble, but I have a perfect view.

planting trees

My husband and I planted a tree together when I got home from work today.
(Just wanted to record that.)

The following song was in my head during that time:

"Planting Trees" by Andrew Peterson

We chose the spot, we dug the hole
We laid the maples in the ground to have and hold
As Autumn falls to Winters sleep
We pray that somehow in the Spring
The roots grow deep

And many years from now
Long after we are gone
These trees will spread their branches out
And bless the dawn

He took a plane to Africa
He gathered up into his arms
An orphan son

So many years from now
Long after we are gone
This tree will spread its branches out
And bless the dawn

So sit down and write that letter
Sign up and join the fight
Sink in to all that matters
Step out into the light
Let go of all that's passing
Lift up the least of these
Lean into something lasting
Planting trees

She rises up as morning breaks
She moves among these rooms alone
Before we wake
And her heart is so full; it overflows
She waters us with love and the children grow

So many years from now
Long after we are gone
These trees will spread their branches out
And bless the dawn
These trees will spread their branches out
And bless someone

and you thought it was just clipping nails...

Well, I am definitely not as diligent about posting with this blog...
I have wanted to a few times, but I really haven't had much to say. I have been very tired and feeling kinda junky the last few days; when I feel that way, I certainly don't feel like having to make my brain work to form coherent sentences. I am still not feeling back to normal, but I am going to make an attempt this whole writing thing...

This evening, after dinner, I started to trim my son's finger and toe nails. He is still a few months from turning 3, so you can imagine how this could go. Over the past couple years, we have developed a system for doing this that, while still challenging, makes the whole thing go much more smoothly. Tonight, though, something strange happened.

I went into my son's room with the little case that holds our nail clippers and announced what time it was. Rather than the initial run down and wrestle onto my lap that he usually forces this event to begin with, he very gently held out his hand to me; allowing me to clip each nail quickly and without fuss or fight. He repeated this with the other hand, and after a small amount of coaxing, held out both of his feet. It was nearly unbelievable how well it all worked.

Moments like these find me conflicted. On one hand, I am so proud and thankful that my son is growing; on the other, I am saddened by these moments because I feel him slipping away. I know that is how it is designed, and I really don't want to spend the rest of my life wiping his bottom and wrestling him over grooming habits, but I know with each moment of growth, I am slowly losing my baby.

The days when he pushes me away and refuses a kiss in front of his friends just keep inching closer. It makes me want to smother him in hugs and kisses every chance I get. I won't smother him, though, because I don't want to chase him away any faster. I will, however, treasure even more the moments when my baby needs his mommy. When he climbs on my lap and wraps his arms around my neck, I am going to hug him back with all my love, knowing the whole time, when he is ready to let go, I will have to let him.

pearls

Every Wednesday, two of my sisters-in-law tote all of their kids and one of their fathers-in-law to a local fast food restaurant for lunch. Frequently, my mother-in-law is also in attendance. When my schedule permits, I also meet them there. It is an incredibly full hour of visiting, laughing and a round of twenty questions from my little fry hoarders niece and nephews. Today, I was able to lunch with them and, as always, it was very entertaining.

During the round of twenty questions from one of my nephews, I was asked about my pearl necklace and how pearls are made. I preceded to tell him a preschool version of how pearls are made: God takes some oysters, puts some sand in their mouths and closes them really tight for a long time, when the mouths open back up the pearls are there. Apparently, this story was a very good one, as I was asked to repeat it four times (while answering questions like, "where did the sand come from?" "Was God wearing shoes in the sand?")

During my recitations, it occurred to me how God is so amazing to take something like sand and transform it into such a treasure like a pearl. What is even more amazing is how He can take something like me and transform it into something that is viewed as worthy of spending eternity with Him. I would have stayed perfectly content with the little analogy that God just revealed to me, but then He had to go and take it a step further when one of my sisters-in-law made the observation, "Pearls are made from spit and sand, how cool is that?...Hey! We were made from spit and sand, too!"

Yep, so there you go. We are pearls...

all beginnings are new

The first sentence is always the hardest for me. Once I get that one out of the way, the rest doesn't seem so difficult.

Today, I start a new blog. It was just a few months ago that I had started a new blog, but the season for that has come to an end. There was a part of me that wanted to keep it going because I knew there were people who were following it, but I can't continue to do that for the wrong reasons. Instead, I am starting a new one.

I am still unsure exactly where this blog will take me. Maybe I'll get around to actually editing the design further than the template I used on the last one, maybe not. I have titled it "contemplations and notions" as I presume it will be a place for that. I don't know how frequently I will post or exactly what I will write about. I presume it will either be about things in my day to day life, my spiritual journey or just random thoughts or musings. I guess time will reveal all these things.

I lift my glass (of Dr. Pepper) to new beginnings. (Though, all beginnings are really new, aren't they?)