Wednesday, January 11, 2012

and you thought it was just clipping nails...

Well, I am definitely not as diligent about posting with this blog...
I have wanted to a few times, but I really haven't had much to say. I have been very tired and feeling kinda junky the last few days; when I feel that way, I certainly don't feel like having to make my brain work to form coherent sentences. I am still not feeling back to normal, but I am going to make an attempt this whole writing thing...

This evening, after dinner, I started to trim my son's finger and toe nails. He is still a few months from turning 3, so you can imagine how this could go. Over the past couple years, we have developed a system for doing this that, while still challenging, makes the whole thing go much more smoothly. Tonight, though, something strange happened.

I went into my son's room with the little case that holds our nail clippers and announced what time it was. Rather than the initial run down and wrestle onto my lap that he usually forces this event to begin with, he very gently held out his hand to me; allowing me to clip each nail quickly and without fuss or fight. He repeated this with the other hand, and after a small amount of coaxing, held out both of his feet. It was nearly unbelievable how well it all worked.

Moments like these find me conflicted. On one hand, I am so proud and thankful that my son is growing; on the other, I am saddened by these moments because I feel him slipping away. I know that is how it is designed, and I really don't want to spend the rest of my life wiping his bottom and wrestling him over grooming habits, but I know with each moment of growth, I am slowly losing my baby.

The days when he pushes me away and refuses a kiss in front of his friends just keep inching closer. It makes me want to smother him in hugs and kisses every chance I get. I won't smother him, though, because I don't want to chase him away any faster. I will, however, treasure even more the moments when my baby needs his mommy. When he climbs on my lap and wraps his arms around my neck, I am going to hug him back with all my love, knowing the whole time, when he is ready to let go, I will have to let him.

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